I am tingling from the tips of my fingers to the tips of my toes. My heart slows to an occasional dull thud as my mind races back over the months to last January. Our house is cold enough to put anyone into hibernation mode, but the memories of last January are very, very warm.
I was huddled under a desk, crying my eyes out and praying. It was after midnight and I hadn't been able to do anything else since I had received the text. Heat coursed through me as I sobbed. Freezing only a few minutes earlier, my cool collected homework session was interrupted by the most unexpected, startling, upsetting, message that I could have received at that moment.
It was one of those moments when everything fades into the background. Just me and God, with me saying "You're right. I am wrong. Forgive me, help me let go, and PLEASE teach me to focus. Do whatever it takes." Asking God to teach you to focus, and actually allowing Him to work in your life are two very different things, as I slowly began to learn last January.
Oh soul are you weary and troubled? No light in the darkness you see?.... The words echoed in my mind. Hymns have a powerful affect on me. Not having the chance to attend AWANA when I was young, my mind tends to think of hymns rather than verses when searching. There's light for a look at the Savior and life more abundant and free... Free. I really, really wanted to be free. To be free from all the guilt of past failures, to be free from the weight of the unknown future. I had no idea how wrong my view of my relationship with God was. Ruled by guilt instead of by grace, I didn't want to lift my eyes to look at the Savior. Instead I wanted to turn away and hide. Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face... I chose to look up. I was met with grace and forgiveness, and finally it began to sink in that no matter what I did, He loved me. And even more wonderful than that, no matter what I did, He could continue to change me into His image. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace... That was the beginning of the end of my love affair with things. There are many more stories to follow, but one freezing, boiling, surrendering moment in January was how God chose to start His work in 2013.
